Love is in the air, my Multiply friends! Humor me by granting me some bragging rights of posting our 33rd wedding anniversary vows. Aba, aba, aba, e hindi po biro ang mag-asawa. Like it said in my previous blog "Did I Marry the Right Person?", marriage is literally a LABOR OF LOVE. We continue to thank God for granting us the stamina for it, hehe.

SUPPLICATION ON THE 33RD WEDDING ANNIVERSARY OF
BOBOY AND GUIA YONZON
JUNE 10, 2006

Today, we celebrate our 33rd year of marriage with meditative awe. We were very young when we entered into our union, unsure of ourselves, unsure of the world. But with love, understanding, patience and hard work, we have blossomed and endured. We have shared seasons of immense joy and laughter, grief and sorrow, triumphs and setbacks. But all in all, the world showed us its bright, smiling face.

We are thankful for the countless blessings that we have. We are grateful for many caring friends and relatives. And most of all, we are thankful for our wonderful children and grandchildren. May our tribe grow and continue to care for each other as well as for other people.

As a couple, we have become better friends. Discovering each other is a never-ending wonder. We are yin and yang, complementing each other’s order and chaos. We continue to grow. We continue to support each other’s strength. We continue to face each other’s weakness with fortitude, sometimes with exasperation, but most of the time, with growing wisdom.

We have seen a lot of the world and have looked inside ourselves many times. Today, we reaffirm our union. Like everybody, we face seasons of doubt and uncertainties. The world is full of mysteries and sometimes we are perplexed by our destinies, as individuals and as a couple. As both of us race beyond half a century in life on earth, we would like to put our lives in the context of the universe.

We ask that our union be continuously blessed. May our hearts stay young and open. May we be full of love and passion for each other. May we be full of understanding of each other’s anxieties and fears. May our discovery of each other’s wonder never cease. May we be always eager for life’s adventure. May we see our children nourish a heritage that would enrich (our fellowmen) other men. Lastly, having pledged to grow older together, may we grow old with verve and grace.

This was an email I sent out last June 2006. I thought I'd post it here in my Multiply site. Our daughter Pika, posted the photos of our  33rd anniversary  celebration, see http://silverpixie.multiply.com/photos/album/137

Hi,

Boboy and I just celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary last Saturday, June 10. We, along with the children & their partners and the grandchildren, went to a Buddhist temple to have our union blessed. No, we haven't turned Buddhist, but to quote from our supplication that we read during the ceremony - "we would like to put our lives in the context of the universe."

And so, Boboy says we will mark succeeding anniversaries in other temples or churches that would allow us! How New Age-ish. =)

Naturally, my thoughts and emotions have been focused on marriage these past days – not only because I am menopausal emotional. I believe that everything happens for a reason - so when I stumbled upon this posting "Did I marry the right person?" in a newly discovered site, I thought I'd share it.

When everything else is said and done, it is still the commitment to make the relationship work that counts - whether you are married or not.

So, here goes:

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered, "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there, doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller, even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages break down. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness (consciously or subconsciously) and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.


SUSTAINING LOVE is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.